Because a self-cleaning and gourmet-dinner-providing kitchen isn’t on the immediate horizon, here’s a list of the top 10 reasons we’re getting takeout tonight.
#10. The pans I need to cook dinner are somewhere in the
sink pile of dirty dishes.
I haven’t seen the bottom of my sink in several weeks. I haven’t seen the pot I need in even longer. I’m pretty sure it’s growing some sort of science experiment of doom… I know you can’t smell it, but that’s because our neighbor sells Scentsy and it works crazy good.
#9. I’m too exhausted from today to be trusted near anything that could be flammable.
Here’s how this morning went, to give you an idea.
Start a load of laundry. Get oldest off to school on the bus. Drop other kids at the neighbor’s house to go to the dentist. (No cavities, yay!!) Pick up kids and move the laundry to the dryer. Notice the eery silence and go investigate. Catch the younger 2 kids “cleaning” the bathroom with the overflowing sinkful of toothpaste-y and soapy water. Watch youngest melt down because he’s sopping wet. Take his shirt off and watch him shimmy out of his pants and diaper in less than 0.62 seconds. Realize that he’s poopy. Chase naked, wet, screaming, and poopy toddler through the house without letting the poop smear on anything. Clean up said toddler and get him dressed.
Look at the clock. See that it’s only 10:42 AM.
#8. Cooking dinner would only endanger the children more.
Seriously. They like to “help”. Especially the toddler. And he’ll drag over his neon green stool to the stove… and immediately plop his chubby little hands on the stove.
So by *not* cooking dinner, I’m making sure we avoid a trip to the emergency department or the burn unit, right?
#7. I’ve been a sous chef all day for the kids.
Maybe I mean a short order chef. I don’t know. Either way, I’ve been taking orders all day. Mealtimes, snack time, and in between. One child wants 3 chicken nuggets, room temperature, with Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce. No, a generic BBQ sauce will not suffice. Another boy wants graham crackers that haven’t been split in half with carrot sticks (but *not* baby carrots – actual carrot sticks that got chopped up, thank-you-very-much). And the third just wants a piece of bread and a glass of milk… and then he flings the milk everywhere.
#6. I’ve spent the last 4 hours cleaning up the same mess.
That milk? Yeah. I’ve cleaned up similar messes four times so far today. Now I’m off to pick up pretzel pieces that the toddler only *thought* he wanted to eat – and then forcefully spat up across the living room carpet. Yes, I know we have a “no eating in the living room” policy.
#5. I got lost on Pinterest (and in cook books!) looking at good food. I’m now too impatient to actually cook it.
Looking at all of that good food made me really, really hungry. And the leftover chicken nuggets, carrot sticks, and graham crackers I ate earlier just ain’t gonna cut it any more. I want something yummy, and I want it now, dangit!
#4. I can’t find the stove.
I’m sure it’s in the kitchen somewhere…
But it’s been so long that I’ve used it as an actual cooking device that it’s become a homework storage device. And I’m pretty sure that if I turned it on right this second, our oldest would burst into tears seeing all of his projects go up in flames.
The younger two would probably laugh hysterically and insist we call Fireman Sam.*
#3. I’m ______ and I’m tired.
Pick any adjective you want to stick in that first spot. I’m pregnant. I’m nursing. I’m raising 3 rambunctious boys who like to do parkour off of the living room furniture. The important bit is that last line. I’m just tired.
#2. It’s almost 8:30 PM and we really should eat…
I know we both got caught up in evening activities, feeding the kids, and getting them to bed. Well, the good news is they’re all in bed. They’re still chattering away, but they’re all in bed.
And now we’re both too hungry and tired to do much but wonder if ice cream counts as dinner.
#1. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in 2 days, so we’re out of food.
The graham crackers are gone. Our whole milk is down to the last few dregs, despite having bought 4 gallons of the stuff. Oh, and the apples all got cut up into now-offensive shapes, so I had to eat those. The fresh vegetables got used for “science”. And the clementines were used for batting practice. The bananas? “Jungle monkeys” ate those. The bread? Yeah the dog ate the bread. (Speaking of the dog, there’s a massive pile of vomit to clean up. Yes, it’s amazingly bread-like in consistency.)
Here’s what’s left: a few frozen veggies, frozen meat of questionable origin, and some flour. We might even have some dent corn or lentils back in the pantry if I look hard enough.
And because I can’t figure out what to make out of those 4 ingredients, we’re getting pizza.
What other reasons would you add to the top 10 reasons we’re getting takeout? Any you’d flat-out replace? 🙂
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