What do you imagine when you think of pregnancy? Cute baby bumps… getting to park in the “expectant mother” spot… cute maternity clothes… (and maybe even some cute compression socks, right?)
Now, what do you imagine when you think of delivery? Cue the screaming and the delivery fears, right? I mean, who hasn’t heard at least six horror stories about water breaking at the grocery store??
Well, Delivery day is approaching (it sure isn’t getting further away!) and suddenly my mind is going 100 miles an hour with all of the potential scenarios I’ll find myself in.
Delivery Fears: my top 5 horror scenarios
Cue the dramatic music, but here are the top 5 delivery fears and scenarios that keep me second guessing and/or awake at night.
Yes, having my water break anywhere except the hospital terrifies me. Why? Because then I feel responsible to clean it up. And if this delivery is anything like the last one, I will be in NO position to do any cleaning of any amniotic or other bodily fluids once my water breaks. I’ll be a little bit busy trying to keep the baby from sky-diving towards the floor, thankyouverymuch.
And while the idea of going into labor at the grocery store seems terrifying enough, there’s a shred of my rational brain left that reminds me… at least grocery stores have linoleum or tile floors.
When I’m at church, though, there’s no linoleum or tile floor – not unless I’m in the bathroom. Odds are, I’ll be in Sunday School or in another carpeted classroom. CARPET, people! As if mopping up my mess wouldn’t be hard enough. Now I get to obsess about the possibility that someone I know well will have to clean the darn carpet because my baby wanted to say hi early.
2) Labor on the go… anywhere but home.
Okay, so going into labor at church is still my #1 horror scenario. But going into labor anywhere that’s not my house is also right up there in the top 5. It’s more than just worrying about cleaning up amniotic-fluid-soaked library books, too. There’s the whole “but how do I get the kids home and make it to the hospital?” thing, too.
You see, we moved 2 years ago to be closer to family. Which also meant moving farther away from my husband’s work. He commutes 35-45 minutes one way.
That being said, we’ve made some amazing friends since then. Which is good, because if I go into labor at the Burger King playland, I’m going to have to call a couple of those friends to help me get home, settle the kids, grab the hospital bag, and then make it to the hospital. All the while, I’ll be praying that my husband is able to wrap up work and meet us there so that my poor friend can take her car through the car
3) Sleeping through 95% of labor… again.
Okay, so this one’s happened before. And while it’s not the greatest scenario, I’ve at least been working on a plan so that if it does happen, I might have an idea of what to do. Maybe. Next time I’ll be praying that a train doesn’t delay whoever comes over to watch the kids during the night.
Better yet, I’ll just call someone from this side of the train tracks.
Thank goodness for amazing friends who say you can call them in the middle of the night. Even if I hope I don’t have to…
Look, we did great with baby #1 and baby #2. We got to spend hours at the hospital before they made their grand appearance. Boy #3? Yeah not so much. We were there for about 45 minutes before our lil’ dude popped out to say hello.
And since each delivery is supposedly faster than the previous one (thank you, body, for being more efficient?), delivering en route is a real possibility. Maybe if I’d chosen to get a new doctor it wouldn’t be such a big problem. But when you’ve got a good doctor, you stick with ’em. And I’ve got a great doctor, thanks. So the hospital we’re going to deliver this baby at is a good 35 minutes away. That’s provided there’s no snow or traffic.
I really should’ve planned this better. Or made a few new BFFs in both the local highway patrol and city police departments so we get an uninterrupted escort to the hospital. Crud.
Last time I made it to the hospital. That’s the goal again this time. Not along the freeway en route and not on the front lawn of the hospital and definitely not in the lobby.
5) An accidental home delivery… yay?
I don’t have anything against a home delivery. They’re great for some people. I’m just not one of those people.
In any case, I want to deliver at a hospital. I want to deliver my baby in a place where I don’t have to worry about cleaning up the mess. I want to deliver in a place where I’m surrounded by other nurses and medical professionals who are 100% there to support me, my baby, and my family. That’s my preference (and that’s okay, too!).
In any case, there’s all of those horror stories that drive the delivery fears of getting up in the middle of the night to go #2 and instead you end up having a baby. Given how close things came last time, I could see my sleep-addled brain making that kind of a leap, too.
So here’s my plan for avoiding that kind of a situation: call 911. I’m sure there’s plenty of paramedics out there just busting at the seams to earn their “unplanned delivery” merit badge or whatever. I’d rather delivery en route to the hospital in an ambulance that’s cleaned after each patient than in my bathroom. I sure don’t clean that thing after each use.
Ugh. Now I feel compelled to go clean it, if only because I can’t remember when it was last cleaned. I’m drawing the line at scrubbing the tub, though. I definitely don’t want to go into labor while cleaning the tub.